How To Be Single
National Portrait Gallery
By Erin Deborah Waks
Inspired by a wave of breakups across my friendship group, I find myself sitting at my desk thinking. How can I support my heartbroken pals as much as they have been there for me? What can I bring to the table?
And then, it dawned on me. Barring one approximately 10-month period, I consider myself to have been completely unattached for 24-and-a-half years. I’ve gotten quite good at it. Perhaps there’s something in that, that’s of use.
I haven’t always wanted to be single. And frankly, the older I get, the more I see why the imminent loneliness of adulthood, where we are no longer surrounded 24/7 by friends, family and classmates, is a perfect breeding ground for people seeking love and - more than that - a partner. I used to spend weekends on a back-to-back socialising spree and now, shattered from a week of work, I want to spend them in peace. I want to lie in bed and drink coffee. I want to watch movies. I want to bake and jog and walk through the park. I want to do nothing. But I don’t want to do nothing alone.
How, then, do we - us twentysomethings - grapple with this internal debate? We’ve built up our independence, know that casual sex doesn’t bring intimacy or comfort, have a strong idea of our sense of selves - and yet so many of us are tired of doing it all by ourselves. How do I synthesise the knowledge that I should be strong enough alone, but seem to crave a partnership?
I don’t have an answer. I’ve found myself realising that, despite my insistence on my independence, I don’t want to be alone. Having a partner and, one day, children, is my number one goal. But - and it’s a big but - it has to be the right partner. So I’ll wait. So we all wait.
In the meantime, though, where does that leave us? One day, I know I will wake up on Sundays to croissants and coffee in bed with the love of my life and mini versions of ourselves curled up between us.
I know it will be the deepest joy I can imagine.
I won’t pretend I don’t sometimes feel that other, smaller joys in my life can’t come close to that.
I do know I don’t want life to pass me by while I wait.
