Cringey lines and perfect profiles: a guide to Hinge (part 2)

Credit: Jonny Moynihan

By Jonny Moynihan

Everyone has bad date stories. From the guy who turned out to be massively into crypto, to the one where they wanted to leave early but didn’t - just out of politeness. It is inevitable.

Hinge, the app ‘designed to be deleted’, and now Thursday too, has cornered the market for dating apps for people aged 18 to 25. So if you manage to survive a few months in a big city without using one – well, you are one of the lucky ones. 

I don’t want to describe one of my many not-so-special dates. I have recounted these to my friends many times and they are bored now. Instead, I will optimistically espouse what I believe to be the perfect Hinge date. 

The first text you send someone can be a game-changer. It can either be an immediate turn-off or make them laugh straight away. It can break the ice. Don’t just start a conversation with the same old “How are you?” The answer is always the same - tired, stressed, and working from home in my pyjamas mulling over a cup of green tea. 

When messaging on Hinge, try not to talk for too long. Most people wouldn’t want to have a pen-pal across the other side of London: they have that on Teams at work anyway. If the text messages continue to flow over several days, it is best to ask them out before the chat goes stale. And make sure you don’t drone on about your ex too much…

So when it comes to dressing for the date, I’m not expecting people to look like Timothée Chalamet on a first date, but I would advise that you don’t turn up in sweatpants and a t-shirt. Dress to meet the person you are expecting to meet.  The bougie-er the profile, the smarter the dress code. 

I usually wear black jeans, a blue denim shirt with two buttons undone (this is significant - saves me from looking too boring), brown Chelsea boots, and a smart jacket.

Thinking location? A bar is a good start. On the other hand, don’t go too smart or too cheap: do not go to a Wetherspoons. You can mix it up for second and third dates by having them over to cook dinner. Reminder: tell your housemates before you do. Otherwise, it can get somewhat awkward. Alternatively, you could go to one of those ‘team building exercises’ like baseball nets to really hit it out of the park. 

After thinking afternoon dates were weird, I would argue my favourite date happened at 3 o’clock in the afternoon in the Camden sunshine this summer. 

Conversely, no one thinks you should meet at midnight. Go safe and say 7ish as everyone always does. Be fashionably late. 10 minutes should do it.

What can be tough is deciding what to drink, what to order, who pays. You really should get the first drink for whomever you are dating. 

A bottle of white wine shared between the two is a brilliant beginning to a date. It is strong enough that it can help with some Dutch courage. And it can just be rather lovely to drink white wine, really. 

Please don’t do shots on the first date. Unless that is very much the vibe. 

I would play it by ear regarding the bill because it can depend on who you are with. Sometimes they want you to pay the whole thing while others will want to split it in two.

The date goes swimmingly. You walk out of the venue hand-in-hand to meet the crisp and cold night air, the light dancing off the pavements, daydreaming of what might happen in the future: a second date, meeting their friends and family in a massive chateau in France, a rented house (yes, in this market!), and marriage? 

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.