The Art Of The Dinner Party
By Erin Deborah Waks
It’s 7pm and the doorbell rings. I answer it, hands covered in flour, hair tied back and pretty dress on, chaotically dashing back to the kitchen to stir my risotto and fill up my best friend’s wine glass. There’s a cake in the oven and seven chopping boards strewn across the kitchen counter. Life is good.
There’s a unique charm to the dinner party that I have embraced since having my own apartment. I embarked, as such, on a research project. What, in the eyes of my nearest and dearest, is just so good about The Dinner Party?
Across the board, my pals observed that the connections and community feel of a dinner party are superior to, for instance, those gained at drinks in a bar or a big dinner at a restaurant. Why? Because of the intimate environment. ‘I love the connection,’ one observed. ‘You can pay less and sit and have a proper convo with someone and with other people too if you move seats at some point. You can also play games and just relax fully.’ Another echoed, ‘As a true extrovert, I find it much more social than being in a bar because in someone's house, or even in a restaurant, there isn't loud music, so I can actually talk to people and get to know them.’
A third remarked, ‘Dinner parties are the best of socializing, drinking, and eating. Getting tipsy chatting with friends is so much better than a sweaty nightclub where you can’t hear anything. They are 25% gossiping, 25% nostalgic catching up, 25% trying to explain your job and 25% deep political conversation. It's the perfect mix.’
Plenty noted the joys of cooking, or eating good food, too. ‘For those who like cooking, hosting a dinner party is a chance to show off/try out any new recipes. For me personally, it's a social activity where I'll get fed, so I don't need to cook for myself which is great. I love it when I don't need to cook.’
And, of course, if one enjoys good culinary experiences but is on a budget, it’s the best compromise that doesn’t seem to feel as such. ‘It gives people a chance to catch up with friends in a restaurant style eat and natter without actually going to a restaurant so it’s much cheaper!’ was one observation. Another chimed in, ‘I like good food, I like spending time just chilling in a friend's apartment. Dinner parties are the best of both worlds. It’s a fun way of socialising that doesn’t mean spending loads of money or having to drink lots.’
Beyond that, though, there’s an art, a romanticism, to curating a dinner party. ‘I love dinner parties because it’s how I imagined my twenties would feel when I was a little girl,’ one explained. Through laughing with friends, sipping apple juice in sparkly wine glasses, dressing up and taking cute Polaroids, life deserves to be romanticised this way.’
The stories created across the dinner table on such evenings create lasting memories. As one young observer described, ‘I do remember one I did with friends when we were like 15, which maybe can give some insight into why people like dinner parties. We insisted that we all dress up in suits and dresses, we each cooked a dish, and spent all afternoon laying tables, lighting candles, and compiling a playlist of the bougiest songs we could think of. I think what was fun about that dinner party was that we all got to play a character that was different to our everyday lives. It's a little silly, and we all felt a little out of our comfort zone, but we were all aware that it was an act, and we all performed together. We weren't aristocratic, bow tie-wearing sommeliers, but we enjoyed playing that over-the-top character for just one night. This appeal probably only applies to a subset of the population (i.e. under 30s), but there's something pretty fun about engaging in a collective performance to take us out of the ordinariness of our everyday lives.’
And, of course, many, myself included, like the process of hosting just as much. One close friend said, ‘I think they’re a really intimate way of hosting people and showing people effort and how much you care about them.’ Another added, ‘As a host, I like planning and preparation. I like having a whole day where I’m engaged in an activity that I enjoy, listening to the radio station I love and having no interruptions or distractions. I like feeding people – it feels like I’m giving something of myself that demonstrates my love for those people. I love interesting people and conversations and hearing different perspectives. I love feeling part of something and a connection to a group of people in whom I’m invested and who are invested in me. I like having exposure to different conversations and perspectives.’
She went on, ‘As a guest, I like feeling spoiled and that people value me and choose my company. I like being able to sit back and relax and not take any responsibility or ownership of the evening. I like not having to cook, for a change. I especially appreciate really good food. Again, I feel part of a group or community and I feel loved.’
The good food, good company and good vibes make for what, in my book, is a perfect evening. For me, the pleasure is not just in the product, but the preparation too - the planning of a menu, the sending of invitations, the creation of a shopping list and a cooking schedule. The act of making those I love feel like a part of something special, a community, brings such meaning to this thing we call life.
