By Erin Deborah
She loves to laugh as much as she loves to cry.
She always has.
She cares deeply, so deeply that sometimes the only way to cope is to pretend she doesn’t.
Walking with the well-rehearsed confidence of someone who was born without it,
She wants no one to feel ignored.
Instead; important, special, loved.
She knows what it is like not to feel that way. What it means to doubt yourself with every fibre of your being, every inch of your soul.
She has a good heart, that she knows.
But she does not know if that is enough to be loved
In the earth-shattering way she has to believe is possible.
She is flawed, yet she is putting the pieces back together.
As she scoured every inch of the city in which she learnt to love herself again,
She began to rebuild the life she knew she wanted.
She had a year for her friendships. She still doubts it, doubts them.
She knows it is no one’s fault. She is still letting go of the hurt, the anger.
But she is teaching herself, allowing herself to be taught about what it means to be a friend.
And to know they love her back.
She is learning about love, all the meanings of the word.
Sometimes she feels her heart could explode she has so much of it;
Other times, she believes she will never truly know what it means,
Unable to leave the dangerous yet beautiful reverie into which she falls when immersed in it.
She is so scared.
She is damaged, sad, yet totally, absolutely, whole.
She knows it will be okay.
