High Maintenance

Photo credit @National Gallery of Victoria

By Erin Deborah Waks

I like things a certain way. When I wake up in the morning, I absolutely have to take my meds, otherwise I get acid reflux all day. But then I have to wait half an hour before I’m allowed to eat breakfast. And I can never drink my morning coffee on an empty stomach, so that requires patience, until approximately an hour after waking up. (I’d advise not talking to me for this hour, as an uncaffeinated Erin is a shell of my whole self). If I haven’t had a coffee - or, perhaps, a matcha latte - again by 4pm, you can pretty much bet it’s all I’m thinking about.

Oh, and, God forbid I have to drink the instant kind - I have an impressive four different coffee machines at home, and regularly frequent artsy coffee shops in the four corners of the world. I like to drink, as my best friend calls it, ‘state of the art’ coffee.

On the train to work, I sit in the same seat, going in the same direction, and read my book. If someone I know recognises me and starts chatting, I roll my eyes internally and try to hide. This is my book time. It’s sacred.

I have to talk everything through - and I mean everything. An hour or two with my best friends will just about skim the surface, and I’ve spent hours on end talking to my mom about the most minor of issues. I pretty much can’t get on with anything else until all issues in my life feel resolved - from a big fight with a close friend right to a mere ‘he didn’t text me back.’

I say I’ll eat anything, I’m chilled, not fussy. Except I follow a plant based diet, can’t eat dairy, prefer sushi to almost everything else and avoid rich or spicy foods as they make me feel nauseated. But I still insist I’m not a picky eater.

My skincare routine has five steps and more products than I can count on one hand. My hair one is worse. On a Saturday or Sunday morning I need to paint my nails, shave, exfoliate and do a face mask. A whole girl shower. I’ve been known to repaint my nails several times if I mess them up, or just don’t like the colour.

Socialising is integral to my extroverted nature, so more than two days without any social interaction and I’ll get into the worst mood, retreating into myself. I love to see my friends, to go out, to be busy. But I also need time every day to meditate, read and write, and I need to carry a book and my journal everywhere with me in case inspiration - or boredom - strikes. I’ve been known to fork out whopping sums for a new one in an expensive shop in situations where I’ve found myself with an unexpected delay and nothing to do during it.

And I used to consider myself a pretty low maintenance girl. I loved the idea that I could be laid back and go with the flow, content on a bag of crisps or McDonald’s for lunch and instant coffee to get me through the day.

A humbling reality check from a friend of mine forced me to consider otherwise. He looked at me sideways when I described myself as ‘pretty low maintenance’ and barely stifled a laugh, genuinely thinking I was joking, and I had to do some soul searching that night. I always thought of myself as a relaxed girl, ‘one of the boys’ even, whatever that means, but the truth is - well, that’s not really true at all.

There’s a million and one high maintenance things I’ve learned are integral to my life, and I’m done apologising for them, or pretending they aren’t a priority for me. I was surprised, when my friend suggested I am more high maintenance than I think, that it was said with a tone of humour, and not judgement. It’s a sexist notion that cool girls are ‘low maintenance’ ones, and it’s frankly getting old. It goes deeper than our daily routines, and permeates into our internal emotional needs. We’re taught that to find a partner we need to be relaxed, cool, low maintenance, never make a fuss or need anything from them. But that’s outdated and misogynistic. We’re allowed to need things, we’re even allowed to want them. It’s not too much. It’s essential.

So I’ll carry on with my weekly manicures, expensive coffees and daily routines. I’ll keep buying sushi and reading in the bath and spending time with my friends, and I’ll certainly continue to get hangry when I’m not fed every 3 hours.

I may be high maintenance, but I’m a whole person with a whole lot of needs who deserves, and should be allowed, to maintain them.